The newsletter, July 2007

The summer menu for future mothers

Summer, a burden and delight for pregnant women. If on one hand the holidays can provide the longed-for chance to relax and regenerate, on the other, the heat is often very testing for those with a growing tummy. It is important in this case to bear in mind that, especially in summer, a correct diet can help in the daily battle against tiredness, weakness and swellings. There are just a few rules to follow, so let's take a look at them together.

To start with, let's forget the old wives tale that when you are pregnant you have to "eat for two". Nothing could be further from the truth. Bearing in mind that during the nine months a women should not increase in weight by more than 20%, it is important to remember that to guarantee a baby optimal growth, a woman needs to assume just 300 calories extra a day. Future mothers therefore, especially during these summer months, don't need sweets, elaborated dishes rich in fat, but they need fruit and fresh vegetables, light first courses, fish and lean meat and, for the greediest, some fruit ice cream. Mother and child therefore do not quantity but quality and variety. Foods which can give the required vitamins (fruit and seasonal vegetables), calcium (milk, yogurt, cheeses), and iron (meat and fish). All accompanied by at least two litres of water a day, preferably integrated with fruit juices, flat drinks and smoothies. Beware of all the drinks that contain caffeine or theine: two cups of coffee or a cup of tea a day are the maximum dose which should not be exceeded.

There is also some specific advice to be added to these general rules. Above all with regards to the foods to avoid or to eliminate. Let's start with the risk of toxoplasmosis. Women whose results are negative have to avoid cured meats, raw or lightly cooked meats (carpaccio or roast beef), raw eggs (mayonnaise, zabaglione, tiramisù). Raw vegetables and fruit must be carefully washed, even adding some bicarbonate to the water. Sea fish can be risky: as they are easily perishable, to avoid dangerous infections, they must be consumed fresh. Better still if well cooked. Attention especially to "lamellibranch" molluscs such as mussels or clams, particularly exposed to pollution and microbes, especially if they came from stagnant or dirty waters. The "lamellibranchs" must be sold alive by law and accompanied by a certificate of origin which indicates the purification or collection plant, the species of the mollusc, the date of collection and packaging.

It is also important not to forget that germs are reproduced more easily in the heat, foods alter quickly and it is sometimes difficult to guarantee correct hygienic conditions. Storing food at the wrong temperature, the consumption of raw foods (or insufficiently cooked foods), insufficient attention to hygiene during the preparation of the foods and the excessive time between preparation and consumption, all represent risk factors that can lead to possible food infections. Don't forget, also, to check the information on the label of the products, particularly the expiry date. Check that the frozen foods are always preserved at temperatures lower than –18°C and that perishable foods such as yogurt and milk (particularly "fresh" and therefore ideal for the summer months) are kept at temperatures under 4°C. Another tip of advice is to keep raw food separate in the fridge from cooked foods and immediately eliminate any leftovers of food from th e kitchen. Also try not to cook excessive amounts so that you don't have to keep the leftovers.

The pleasure of remembering

How many happy moments our life have faded in our memory and are difficult to remember? What year was it? What was his name? And where were we? It seems impossible, yet it happens. And it is something entirely natural. It will happen again in the future. Also the happy moments that we are living with our child. And we will regret this a bit.

We will regret not being able to remember the day he started to crawl. In which he took his first steps. In which he said "mummy" for the first time. And we will discover, now that perhaps we have a second child to bring up, that he could be useful to us – just to regulate things, but making useless comparisons - to be able to remember how many times he wanted feeding during the first few weeks, or when we took him for his first vaccination, or the phone number of that excellent pediatrician that we had found in that town while we were on holiday. The only solution is to write and to file. And to meet this demand Chicco has come up with two practical and amusing solutions: the Baby's Diary and the Memories Album.

Entitled "Day by day", the Baby's Diary has an introductory page, on which to note all the information relative to the pregnancy and to the birth and then has six thematic sections. Nursing, Weaning and Nutrition contain all the charts to follow the child's growth day by day, to note possible diets suggested by the paediatrician, to collect his favourite recipes. The Health section provides mothers with a calendar for the vaccinations, with space for booster reminders, and pages to record the results of the visits to the pediatrician. Any medical prescriptions can be filed in the special little plastic document holder. The pages on which to mark the dates of his "conquests", from his first smile to his first steps, are contained in the Memories section, whilst telephone numbers of friends, family and baby-sitters can all be recorded in the Address section.

The Memories Album can be used in many ways: it can be used as a diary for the first 12 months or as an item of "furnishing". In fact, it consists in 30 coloured and attractive charts to compile and to complete with the information and the photos of the baby. The charts can be kept in the album, or you can cut them out and frame them . They thus become small pictures to hang in the child's room or to give as presents. A simple and amusing solution that can bring enormous pleasure to grandfathers and relatives.

Small explorers ready for the off

When a child starts to crawl the horizons of his world open up in an incredible manner. The child who, after innumerable attempts, finally succeeds in moving on all fours, in fact, discovers that he can leave his mother and then return to her whenever he wants, that he can autonomously explore the environment that surrounds him and grab all those objects, that until then he hadn't been able to reach. Crawling however is not simply a pleasant and exciting discovery but an important moment for the motor development of a child as his arms, legs and body have to learn for the first time to move in synchrony. These movements will help the child to develop his back muscles that will be needed to sustain the weight of his body once he manages to achieve an erect position.

Bearing in mind that there is no correct age for a child to start crawling and that every child has his own times, generally the child starts trying "to move" on all fours around the end of the seventh month. He then becomes more proficient by the end of the ninth one. But this is not an obligatory phase. Many children in fact pass directly from a sat position to an erect position, without this creating any form of delay or problem to their motor development. Considering therefore that it is not an obligatory phase and that, above all, there is no way to teach a child to crawl, the only thing that parents can do in this phase it is to encourage the child and help him, without intervening, during his attempts. At the beginning, therefore, it will be sufficient to put a mat or a soft cover on the floor, on which you can put his favourite toys or a ball that rolls. The desire to get to the "distant" toys will encourage the child to look for a "way" to move. And that way w ill be, most probably, to crawl.

The worry of the parents at that point will no longer be that the child is not capable of moving, but that now he moves "too much". A child who has learned to crawl and that can freely move around the house, is able in fact to get everywhere. Even where he shouldn't. Or where we didn't think he could reach. A vigilant but discreet presence of his mother and father is without doubt essential, but–since it is impossible to keep a constant eye on a child that crawls – in this phase the best form of safety is prevention. Remove all fragile objects that he can reach (knickknacks, vases, bottles), but above all those which are potentially dangerous as they are toxic (cleansers, cigarettes, medicines), and small or sharp items (keys, coins, kitchen utensils). Let's check then that all the power sockets are covered, that sharp edges are protected by special corner protectors and that any internal staircases and windows are off limits.

For what concerns the comfort of the little explorer, it will be sufficient to opt for comfortable and practical garments, avoiding where possible light-coloured or delicate fabrics which tend to get dirty and tear easily. And for his feet? When the child is in the house, allow him to remain barefoot, whilst when he is outdoors you can opt for a pair of soft and comfortable shoes. When he crawls, he only front of the foot touches the floor, and if the shoes are too hard they will not allow his toes to move, which will cause friction and disturb his movements.

The reasons why a child is "selfish"

So small, so selfish. It is an inevitable thought before a child who tears a toy from the hands of a friend shouting "It's mine! It's mine!". The child who loses the toy will inevitably cry. And the embarrassment of the parents of the "thieving" child often turns into a reproach. An educational intervention is correct and understandable, but to imagine that it can be decisive in the immediate future is simply an illusion.

During the first few years of life, generosity and sharing are concepts without meaning or value. Once a child becomes aware of himself, of his own individuality, his own independence from his mother, the child lives "concentrated" on himself, on his own needs, on his own desires. Everything rotates around his little me, the others don't exist: not due to egoism, but due to a relationship with the world that marks infancy and that is commonly and synthetically defined as "childhood egocentrism". That is why, when faced with strong resistance by a child when we try to invite him to share his things, it is often useless to insist, even self-defeating to reproach him or punish him: learning to be with others requires "training".

Every child has his own times and development of this first growth phase changes from individual to individual. For everybody, however, it is a progressive phase, and never without difficulties. It refers in fact to being able to abandon the reassuring position of a dominant self-centring, and to accept comparison, sharing and common rules. It is difficult, for instance, to imagine playing with others whilst continuing to consider everything as personal property. When one is with others the refrain "mine, mine" soon ends up losing the value of a magical sentence that transforms a desire into something quickly achieved. The more opportunities the child has to mix with others, the quicker he will develop his abilities to socialize. Children, therefore, have to be able to meet other children, because by playing a child learns to cohabit with other children and, therefore, to grow. His parents have to create the right opportunities for him to meet other childre n; at parks, play-centres and friends' houses. But it doesn't stop there. A child learns to relate himself to other children by observing how we relate ourselves to other adults. If our attitude, when we meet other parents at the park or outside school, is one of trust and confidence, the child will treat the other children with this same openness. On the contrary, our uncertainties and our introversion can make the child suspicious and he will tend, like us, to be lacking in confidence when dealing with others.

During this social and cognitive development phase, it is also very important to observe the child while he is playing with children of his own age: it allows you to understand what the characteristics of his character are, and to detect possible difficulties in his way of approaching others. Make sure, however, that your assessment of his needs is correct. There is a risk of mistaking his normal need to face up to the other children for aggressiveness, mistaking normal hesitancy when facing a new situation for shyness, a normal jealousy for his own things as egoism. It is necessary to avoid intervening in an inopportune manner. Parents have to remain outside games as careful but discreet spectators. The children have to resolve their first arguments, their first quarrels, their first scuffles. Only when the conflict becomes a clash of strength can parents intervene and propose mediation solutions, providing the possibilities of reconciliation and sharing. To learn to play with another child means "putting oneself on the line", to be willing to get to know others, to respect others, to measure up to others. It means learning to share time, space, games and rules. It means learning to be with others, and this phase is not always simple, it passes through alternate moments of timidity and confidence, but it always requires, on our behalf, discretion and respect.

A normal "difference"

From condemnation to rehabilitation. This is the historical story of "left-handed" people. In ancient times, the use of the left hand was considered a sign of a diabolic presence that had to be corrected, to the extent where the term "left" always had a negative meaning, take for example the common expressions such as "sinister premonition" "sinister place". Over the last few decades we have seen a public inversion of this trend. There have even been articles and research on the greater intellectual and creative abilities of the left-handed, with the inevitable mentions of Leonardo da Vinci and Albert Einstein. As always, the truth is neither one nor the other: left-handed people are normal people, who can possibly, during their childhood, encounter some difficulties in learning how to lace their shoes or use their knives and forks.

The predisposition to using the left hand is caused by the prevalence, in left-handed children, of the right hemisphere over the left hemisphere of the brain. The right hemisphere is the part which manages emotions and intuition and the left side of the body. The left hemisphere, that manages the right side of the body, is the part which manages speech and rationality. In most people the left hemisphere prevails, therefore they use their right hand. In left-handed people however the right hemisphere prevails. They find it easier therefore to use their left hand and in general this side of the body. Left-handed people in fact use their left leg to take the first step on stairs, to kick a ball, or enter a room.

It is therefore a natural predisposition that can be inherited (a left-handed child can have a parent, grandparent or relative who is left-handed) and should not be corrected. In the past schools tried to repress this tendency, teaching left-handed children to use their right hand when writing. Today, however, experts agree that the tendency to being left-handed should be respected, because this encourages the balanced development of the personality of the child. Preventing a child from using the hand that comes naturally to him when eating, grasping objects and playing, means preventing him from expressing a natural need and a fundamental part of himself. There is a risk that the child will live this correction as a repression at a psychological level and this, in time, can turn into forms of insecurity, nervous tics and stuttering. And also lower results at school and work than what he could potentiality achieve.

It is therefore a good idea not to condition the tendency of the child to use his left hand, that begins to show when he is around 18 months old. Before this age, every child uses both hands indifferently to grab objects and put things in his mouth. The role of parents and educators is simply to try to help the left-handed child to overcome practical difficulties, such as for example, learning to write, that was originally conceived for the right-handed. A left-handed personal can find it difficult at the beginning, but only for practical reasons. In fact, they tend to dirty their hand that, as they write, covers the words and they cannot check what they have written. All this can cause a deceleration in learning to write. It is however a temporary problem because every left-handed child learns to write just as well as the others and doesn't show any difficulty in learning.

There is no problem helping a child to dress or to lace his shoes if one of the parents is left-handed. On the contrary, simple things such as lacing his shoes or doing up buttons, can be learned better if the parent stands in front of him, giving him a "mirror" image to copy, rather than to teaching him according from his side. The use of cutlery can be another reason for disorientation for left-handed children learning to eat alone. It can be useful to position the objects that the child takes with his left hand (bread, his glass) on the left part of the table, to avoid him having to make uncomfortable movements that could cause small accidents.

The value of shared rules

It is obvious that on occasions, a mother and father do not share the same point of view regarding an aspect of the education of their child. But the "dissent" must be faced by the parents beforehand and "not in front of the child", so that the child is given a univocal and precise idea of the conduct he has to follow. This is the only way for a child that is growing to learn how to respect those important boundaries known as rules, essential platforms from which to face also adult life with confidence, optimism and respect for others.

"That's enough television, it is time to do your homework" the mother says. And the father replies: "oh come on dear, just ten more minutes". It is a situation like any other, that can happen in many families, where parents express conflicting points of view of regarding conduct in front of their children. It is common in many families that one parent ends up assuming the role of being lenient, whilst the other one ends up taking a more rigid and ruling position. It is, to be honest, a circumstance that should be avoided. The first consequence is that the child will inevitably consider one parent "good", more willing to give in to his desires and the other parent "bad", always ready to prohibit him from doing something. But what makes matters worse is that the child, receiving conflicting messages on the same matter, does not absorb the rule. In other words, as he does not receive clear and univocal messages from the most important people, a child becomes incapable of building up stable reference points, because he acknowledges the concept that there is no such thing as fixed rules and that what parents say can be disputed. A child can also learn to exploit the different points of view to his advantage, turning each time the more permissive parent and ignoring the authority of the more severe one. This can also have important repercussions in the years that follow, because a person who has not learned specific reference points as a child, becomes incapable of respecting the simple rules even at school, at work and those of civil cohabitation. With inevitable consequences from a social and relationship point of view.

It is therefore important for parents to strive to share the same points of view or, at least, to do so in front of the child. If the mother invites him to switch the television off and the child doesn't obey, his dad should firmly and calmly confirm the concept of his companion, saying: "your mother is right, now you should do something else". It is obvious that parents can not always agree, but, in this case, it is essential that they discuss things in private, never in front of the child. Besides, the ideal solution would be that the rules defined by the parents were also adopted in other circles, for example at school, at the grandparents' house, by the baby-sitter. Having to adjust each time to different rules confuses a child and leads him to behave differently according to where he is. This way he can be calm at home and an absolute terror at his grandparents, or vice-versa.

A moment should be given to discuss the matter of rules in the case where the mother and father no longer live together. In this case it is obvious that the parent that spends less time with the child will tend to be more permissive, because he or she doesn't want "to spoil" the few days they have together with their child. It is necessary however that parents come to an agreement in advance, discussing the matter clearly and calmly, putting aside any personal grudges with the sole objective of helping the child to achieve a correct psycho-physical development. A sort of compromise can be reached, coherent rules that must not be disputed and less rigid rules on secondary aspects. Then, if the child has been granted in custody to the mother and the father takes him on holiday, it is important to respect the routine of daily life, such as bedtime, an hour dedicated to homework, and a healthy diet. Other less important aspects, such as an extra ice cream in th e afternoon or longer times spent swimming in the sea can be passed on. This tacit "agreement" will help the child to maintain the awareness that, despite the separation, his mother and father still have a healthy and friendly relationship and all this can only reflect positively on his childhood and make him stronger and happy.