It is a good idea, to conclude, not to forget that belts and seats are important but alone don't guarantee the safety of children. The safety and the well-being of your child depends significantly on how you drive and your behavior: no sudden braking, sudden changes of direction, nervous or, worse still, hazardous overtaking. No cigarettes or car windows open with strong air currents. But, above all, never forget the regulations. Firmness and coherence are necessary principles in bringing up your children and when, as in this case, it is a question of their physical well-being, exceptions are not acceptable. To give in, comprehensibly but unacceptably, to fatigue and haste, can be dangerous. Parents, research has proved, use car seats and belts when they go on holiday or out of town, but they often forget during urban travel. In many cases it refers to short trips and it takes longer to convince the child to sit in the seat and fasten the safety belt s that to make the journey. Understandable, but wrong: the greatest number of accidents occur in the city, along the journeys that we know of by heart and that we consider, mistakably much safer.

Small protesters...grow

"I don't want to go out", "I don't want to eat", "I don't want to go to bed". No, no and no again. For a child the occasions to try to dispute the will of his parents are endless. And this is normal and legitimate. The "no" repeated, shouted, enforced by weeping and gestures of anger is, for the child, the short road towards accomplishing independence, the short route that leads to the affirmation of his own desire. It is useless hoping to avoid it, self-defeating to resort to "strong" solutions, and embittered conflicts in the hope of showing a child that his limits are inferior to those of an adult are not recommended: the risk of lose the battle, and with it credibility, is high. Even when faced with the endless tantrum, even at the end of a day filled with exasperation, even in the most embarrassing and unbearable moments, what is most needed is a good dose of patience...and a bit of farsighted prevention.

Behind the tantrum of a child, an attempt of affirmation is always concealed and with it, an indirect challenge. It is with his “no” that the child experiments what reaction such a simple word is capable of instigating. And, on most occasions, they achieve the desired result. Because, let's be honest, having to argue every day with the continuous hostilities of a child, puts even the most tolerant of parents to the test. The fact is that the "no phase" is an inevitable reality and common to all children, whether fickle or not. Not by chance this is also the age in which the children learn to say "I". The two things are strictly related, because behind the obstinate refusal of a child the desire to affirm his own identity is always concealed. The child now discovers that he exists as an individual, that he has his own personality, with his own tastes and desires that differentiate him from everyone else. To say "no" means "I don't want to do wha t you say you anymore", "I want to decide too", "I am grown up now, I don't need you". And, to discover that one simple word is enough to attract immediate attention for a child is an amazing revelation. So he tries, to see what happens, he keeps going to see how far he can go. Until when, that is, his parents acknowledge him and accept that their child "is indeed growing up".

Losing your patience is easy, almost natural, but, what is certain, is that shouting and spanking never reach the desired result. The "strong" ways are self-defeating, not only in relation to education but also communication, because they offend the child, putting him in a hurtful situation which he will not easily understand. It is human and comprehensible that it can occasionally happen, it is not necessary to make a fuss about it, but it has to remain an exceptional fact. In general, therefore, no wars. And no "bartering" of the rules, such as "if you are good I'll buy you a toy" or, even worse, emotional blackmail such as "if you are not good, your mummy won't love you any more": to evoke in a child the fear of losing the affection of his parents, risks making him doubt the absolute value of their love which, it seems, is put in doubt for a simple tantrum. On the contrary, whatever the whim, the child must "come out of it" with the awareness that nothin g has happened, nothing which could affect the love of his mother and father. Something else to be avoided, during the "argument", is the comparison with other "better" children or sentences like "you are always like this", that confirm in the mind of the child his role of being the irrecoverable "baddy". It is important to explain the reasons for our anger to the child, to help him to understand the consequences of his behavior. A few words of reproach such as "mummy is losing her patience", "I don't like the way you are behaving" are sufficient to communicate our disappointment to our child. And once we have explained the reason for our decision there is no sense in continuing in long and weary negotiations. Serene but clear decisiveness is needed and the ability to withstand crying and screaming, without losing your patience. A child that plays up is a child that needs words and of reassurance, to be praised and gratified when he deserves it. And, naturally to be listened to. In any case, don't ignore his protests: it is above all his request for consideration and attention. He has the right to receive it, as we have the duty to give it.