newsletter Feb06

the 2nd newsletter, Apr 2007

The beginning of a great adventure

A fertilized cell, destined to become a complex organism. This is the beginning of the extraordinary adventure of life. An evolution, that, day after day, becomes an existence, a presence, a living reality. A nine month journey that transforms an embryo into a child, a woman into a mother. A journey consisting in growth and emotions, of development and expectance.

The most evident changes happen during the first two quarters of pregnancy. At the end of the third month the baby passes from the condition of being an embryo into that of a foetus. His movements, still imperceptible on the outside, are not controlled by his brain for the moment, but the child already has his heart and his stomach.

Also his arms and legs have formed, and his ears, his nose, his lips and his eyelids that begin to cover his eyes. The child cannot hear or see anything and he can already bend his fingers to form little fists.

During the second quarter the growth is extremely rapid. The skin of the foetus begins to cover itself with an impermeable fatty substance that protects the skin from the possible consequences of the prolonged "immersion". The hands and the fingers are now well formed, with fingernails and finger prints. It is in this phase that the first down grows on the baby's head. But, above all, it is now that his first movements are finally felt by his mother. From the 23rd week the foetus begins to respond to sound and touch stimulation. His typical day during this phase is anything else than boring: he searches for his thumb to suck it and when it escapes from him, he moves his head from one side to the other to find it again. He appreciates music, he listens to voices, he tries to swallow the amniotic liquid that changes taste every day, according to his mother's diet. Sometimes a hiccup will jolt him. His heart starts to beat strongly: it can reach 120 to 140 beats a minute. His father can now also hear the heartbeat: he simply has to rest his ear on the mother's tummy.

During the third quarter the foetus reaches around 40 cm in size and weighs on average 2 and a half kilos. During the last few months, in fact, the baby starts to accumulate a reserve of fat that will be useful to him when he is born. His physical aspect has already been defined and the "down", the fine hair that covered him, starts to fall. The movements inside the tummy become more and more voluntary and clear, above all between the 30th and the 32nd week, the period in which babies spend on average 10% of their time emphatically moving around. They stretch their muscles, they extend and bend their legs, they close and open their hands: it is a kind of gymnastics that helps them to strengthen their muscles, to strengthen the skeletal structure and to improve their motor abilities. After the 36th week their movements begin to decrease due to the diminution of the amniotic liquid and the lack of "space" due to the natural growth forces the baby to remain ca lmer: his days are now divided between moments of rest, of alertness and some small exercises getting into position, with his head downwards. But the most fascinating thing is that the baby is capable of recognizing, not only his mother's voice, but now also that of his father, to the extent where, when his father gets home in the evening, he recognises his presence and turns his head in the direction of his voice. And, in this phase, he also starts to dream. During his dreams the baby's face changes expression, showing serenity, joy, but also fear or pain. Everything depends on what emotions his mother perceives and transmits to her baby: that is, what she likes, what pleases her, what gives her peace, is what gives the baby pleasure, happiness and joy and she can now establish a direct relationship with him, full of stimulation and responses of affection and emotions. It is the secret of a love that will bond a mother to her child forever.

Naturally sterile, economic, nourishing, digestible and full of antibodies. There is no element in nature that is more complete than maternal milk. And not only for the nourishment that it is able to offer: breast feeding also deeply influences the emotional, intimate and personal sphere of the relationship that a mother and child have been building up since the very first day. For this reason it is recommended to nurse the child for as long as possible. In respect, obviously, of the natural growth requirements of a child and the possibility the mother has to organize herself.

The World Health Organization suggests exclusively feeding the baby with maternal milk - without therefore any integration, even water – for at least up to the sixth month of age. Maternal milk contributes in fact to safeguarding the newborn from a variety of infectious processes and assures him a greater tolerance of foods in the future. Incomparable benefits, to which, the experts remind us, further advantages are reaped by both mother and child if the nursing is extended beyond the sixth month. Recent studies for instance show that the longer a child is breast fed, the less risk there is of breast cancer for the mother, whilst, in the case of the baby, it substantially decreases the possibility of suffering from obesity. Furthermore, according to recent research, children who are nursed for a long time would have superior intellectual and behavioural abilities and increased self-confidence. Equally important are the psychological aspects: breast feeding represe nts in fact, for mother and child, a history of physical and psychological intimacy, of tenderness and needs, of feelings and requirements, You close proximity of the body, the heat of the skin, the perfume of the mother all give the child a sense of safety, serenity and protection. Important feelings and emotions that can be experienced for as long as the milk continues to be produced.

There is no final deadline, in fact, within which one has to stop nursing. What is certain is that between five and six months the child needs to start to eat solid foods, which are capable, for instance, of giving him the amount of iron he needs and that the maternal milk is not able to guarantee him. In some cases the discovery of baby food coincides with a natural decrease in the request to breast feed for a child. In others it is the growth of the first teeth which mark, due to the slight drawbacks that occur, the natural term of this important growth phase. It is necessary, nevertheless, to live the situation serenely and try to continue feeding for as long as possible. There are personal situations, often related to the need to return to work, that force many mothers to introduce artificial milk, even before the six months is up. In these cases the changeover must not be lived with anxiety or senses of guilt. Maternal milk represents without doubt the best possible nourishment that can be offered to one's child. But a mother that nurses using a baby bottle can still maintain a strong and deep bond with her baby: simply cuddle him in your arms, look into his eyes, make him feel protected and comforted. It is sufficient to be able to convey to him your own joy, your warmth and your love. Unique "nourishments" that every mother can assure to a child and that do not depend on anything except one's love.

Wine, strawberries, or coffee: unsatisfied "desires" of an expecting mother that are stamped in an indelible way on the baby's skin. This is just one of the numerous popular beliefs that associate some behaviours during pregnancy with the most bizarre risks for the baby. Nothing could be further from the truth, of course. The feared danger has no scientific foundations: this skin marks are in actual fact simply "angiomas" which are benign, and most often disappear on their own during the first few years. And, have nothing to do with the "cravings" one experiences during pregnancy.

To be more exact, the dark marks, completely harmless, are caused by a greater concentration of melanin, whilst the red marks, the angiomas, are caused by small malformations of the capillaries that flow in the skin or, sometimes, to the presence of harmless moles. It all depends on the type of "mark". The wine mark, for instance, known by the scientific term of "flat angioma" is caused by a congenital defect of the capillaries that tend to dilate and crowd in one area of the skin, giving rise to the classical dark red spot. The evolution of the skin flaw varies from case to case and mainly depends on which part of the body it is on. The flat angiomas are mainly found behind the nape of the neck or on the forehead and tend to get smaller as the baby's skin thickens, and usually disappear completely of their own accord during the first twelve months. It is different matter for the spots found on the rest of the body, which will extend wider as the months go by. Even les s worrisome are the "strawberry marks", or "hemangioma", caused by small masses in relief that are mainly found on the face and, frequently, on the abdomen and on the bottom.

In this case the location of the spot doesn't change its evolution: the initial rapid growth will be followed in any case by a stalling period and, subsequently, the progressive regression until it totally disappears. It is however a very slow regression that can take up to 6/8 years.

In most cases, it is simply enough wait patiently, and the momentary skin flaw will complete its natural course. It is also true nevertheless that, to define if the mark is destined to spontaneously disappear or if it is a flat angioma that will continue therefore to progressively grow, it is essential to have specific tests done and the experts recommend they are also constant: every six months it would be best to take the child for some special scans that are able to assess any need or urgency for treatment, essential also in the case of ulcerated or infected hemangioma. The treatment consists in a laser instrument that doesn't require even local anaesthetic, and leaves no scars or traces.

Skilled climbers of a world with uncertain shapes, playful pioneers dealing with bizarre objects, rash explorers full of insatiable curiosity. Children, now confident in their movements, know how to transform every place on earth into a conquest. But each conquest has its risks and it is not rare that, during the enthusiasm of a game, he can have a small accident which, in most cases, is resolved with a bandaid. It is important, nevertheless, to learn to assess the actual gravity of each circumstance, to decide without delay if a "do-it-yourself" intervention is sufficient to resolve the problem or if it is necessary to go to the local hospital. Whatever the remain calm and don't ... lose your cool.

The place of honour among the most common accidents is due without doubt to bruises and small traumas, mostly resolvable with a little ice, wrapped in a clean cloth to avoid cold burns. If nevertheless the bruise is accompanied by vomit or fainting, even very briefly, it is necessary to take the child to Emergency to check that there are no internal traumas. If besides the bruise there is also a wound, it is essential to first of all check its depth and size. In the case of a superficial cut (or abrasion), it is sufficient to eliminate any extraneous bodies such as dust and fragments, leaving the injured part under running water for a few minutes, then pat the wound with a sterile gauze soaked in a disinfectant solution and to finish, cover with a small bandage or with a bandaid. Possible signs of infection such as swelling, redness or secretions, must be immediately notified to the paediatrician. In any case, also for small wounds, it is advisable to check that the ch ild has completed his cycle of tetanus injections. No worry on the other hand in the case of light nose bleeds after a fall, which usually stop within a few minutes: simply sit the child with his head bent forwards and gently squeeze his nostrils with your thumb and index finger for at least three minutes.

If traumas and excoriations are dangers found anywhere, small burns are something which occur mainly in the home. Pots and irons are extremely fascinating objects for children, who, however, have a perception of danger that is much different to that of an adult. Always store these objects in places that are inaccessible to children to prevent these sort of accidents. If nevertheless the child has already managed to hurt himself, It is necessary to intervene immediately to avoid even worse consequences. If the burn is large and has been caused by hot water or a chemical substances, or if watery pimples form, it is best to go straight to a doctor and not touch the area. In the case however of small burns that cause a simple reddening of the skin, it is sufficient to put the relative area under running water for a couple of minutes, then smear some silver sulphadiazine base cream and apply a sterile gauze. Something not to be underestimated, among the most fre quent dangers, is the ingestion of extraneous bodies, mainly parts of small toys or small detachable pieces. If the child has ingested an extraneous body it is essential to take him to Emergency. A final tip: try to make sure that fear and anxiety do not get the upper hand over good sense. Panic is in any case something that never helps a situation and it is easily transmitted to the child. The risk being that our fear turns a small accident into a traumatic event in the eyes of the child.

Small cooks in action

Flavours, perfumes, ingredients to be mixed...it is not difficult to transform the kitchen into a magic place for a child. With some time and a good dose of patience, mothers and fathers can live and allow their children to live an amusing and instructive experience. Helping them to develop their imagination and creativeness and to achieve a new meeting place where it is possible to share experiences and hand down traditions.

The kitchen can turn out to be truly educational for children. It is here, in fact, that a child has the opportunity to learn the rules of a correct diet, to develop his own ability to foresee and to face dangers, to understand that to it takes hard work and patience to do this job. And, above all, to discover that imagination and creativeness can be "ingredients" one cannot do without. In the kitchen, as in the rest of one's daily activities. To give space to one's own abilities, to recognize one's own limits, to learn how to overcome them with a smile: it doesn't take much because a pot with some water, some bowls and some weighing scales turn the basics of mathematics and the "magic" of chemistry and physics, into an amusing game.

Keep your eyes open, obviously, for the dangers involved, that are always present in the kitchen but that nevertheless can be avoided with a bit of common sense, with constant supervision by the parents and, naturally, with good examples. Explain to the child that it is important to wear gloves when we are near to the oven, avoid using sharp knives, always use the oven mitts when touching pots on the stove and, above all, and remind him not to forget to wash his hands before starting. Once you establish these safety rules you are ready to get down to work.

It is important for the child to approach the "world" of the kitchen little by little. To allow him to get acquainted with the utensils and tools, we can allow him to help us prepare the table or tidy the kitchen: napkins, bread, cutlery and plates can be put back in the drawers or brought to the table without particular risks. After a few days we can let him take part in preparing the food: ask him to lay some slices of tomato on a plate, teach him to recognize the different foods, show him what the phases are during the preparation of a dish, from the cooking to the arranging on the plates. Subsequently we can try preparing the whole recipe with him giving his greater responsibility.

Take advantage, in any case, of the natural propensity of children to live every activity as a game: give the child a cook's apron or a chef's hat, and maybe even prepare a drawer just for him, filled with coloured and safe utensils.

If the child shows an interest in culinary activities, we can help him to cultivate his passion by buying him a book of recipes: there are a variety on sale, created specifically for children. Don't forget, to conclude, to praise the child for his commitment and his performances, involving the other members of the family or his friends in the tasting of his dishes and, naturally, showing we are proud of his results. Even the smallest and most imperfect. The cake may not be just like the recipe indicated, you have to come to terms with the fact that there will be a few broken glasses, and the kitchen will need a good clean, but fun and games are guaranteed.

The value of "pocket money"

On one hand today's society is rapidly changing, on the other we have to deal with our feelings of guilt. That fine line, maybe we spend too little time with our children and, on the contrary, we dedicate too much energy to our work which takes time away from their desire to play, to talk and do things together. This is how "pocket money" risks being turned into a short cut, an easy solution, something which is used to achieve something, get responses, demonstrate things or, even worse, to educate. A metaphor of affection that has difficulty in finding ways and forms of expression, of an education that too often resolves the fatigue involved in conversation and explanations with a mechanism of donations. To allow our children to understand that not everything can be bought with money, that there are values that have no price. And that, above all, money is needed in order to live: the contrary is not almost never an assurance of a serene future.

It is important therefore to give "pocket money" the correct value. A useful instrument, from certain educational points of view, that can help a child to understand the value of money, to learn how to manage it in a responsible manner and to choose how to use it. In this perspective the best solution is to establish a fixed, monthly or weekly amount. According to recent research on those aged between 6 and 17, 34,2% of the children regularly receive pocket money, on average, around 14 Euro a week (4.50 Euro for the smaller children aged six). But the figure obviously depends on the economic possibilities of each family and on what the child has to use his money for. In this sense it can be useful to build up "alliances" among parents, to decide together to give the same amount to all the children belonging to the same group: it will be easier for each of them to accept a limit which is common to all school companions. Even if it is obvious that sooner or later children must be put in the condition to understand and to accept that, in life, there are people that have a lot of money and others that have less.

Using this educational logic it can be important, above all with older children, to introduce elements that encourage saving habits: it is possible, for instance, to give a little more money according to the percentage that the child has managed to save in one month. It is also possible to pay the child for some chores he does, which goes into his savings account, but this must be separate from the duties that child is required to do in general. If, therefore, it is right to "pay" the child for washing his dad's car, no rewards should be given for him tidying his room or helping you to prepare the table. Duties that are part of the normal sharing of family life. For the same reason, school commitment and results should not be part of these compensations in money.

To maintain the educational value of pocket money, it is important to respect the agreed limit and to keep possible requests for "extras" under control. For this reason it is necessary to immediately establish with the child what he can and should spend his money on, and what you as parents will continue to pay for. Be careful also when using the "no pocket money" rule to punish him. When the child behaves badly, is disrespectful, or has not done his chores, it is natural during a discussion, to come up with the idea of cutting his pocket money. It could be an appropriate solution, but must be carefully assessed. There is the risk that the punishment will be interpreted as blackmail: the child may feel deprived of something that has nothing to do with the reasons for the argument.

Also in this case it is important not to give the "pocket money" a value that is not appropriate.