newsletter Feb06

The newsletter, Mar 2008

The surprises of the first three months

When the pregnancy test is positive and the visit at the gynaecologist eliminated any possible doubt, then the pregnancy adventure becomes real. For who desired the arrival of a child, joy and euphoria are at the utmost. And a positive physical state accompanies a physical well-being during this phase. Due to hormonal changes, the skin becomes brighter and hair appears shinier and more voluminous. The abdomen which is still flat and the shape that is still thin do not make reflect yet on the physical changes, and in the majority of the cases, you feel at your best. This state of well-being can be nonetheless spoiled by some small inconvenience, typical of this first phase of pregnancy.

In general, the very first inconveniences consist in the swollen breast and light cramps in the lower area of the abdomen. These symptoms are similar to those that you were experiencing when you were not pregnant, right before your period. During pregnancy, these are due to different factors: the breast gets ready for feeding and the uterus modifies its structure to welcome the embryo at best. Those are therefore regular inconveniences that do not require medical or pharmacological interventions. The pain to the breast can be soothed by wearing a more retaining bra, in cotton, with a loosen strap to wear also at night to avoid compressions. For cramps to the abdomen, no medicines are needed, but in case of excessive pains and especially in the presence of blood, it is important to consult your gynaecologist.

Another common inconvenience of the first months is nausea. All future moms are affected by it, in different measure, especially during the second month and mainly during early morning hours. While waiting for the nausea to attenuate (which happens in general by the tenth week), you can help it by eating the right types of food. Avoid being on an empty stomach for a long time, and keep dry and salty foods handy (for example crackers) to eat slowly. Eliminate fat and very sweet foods will also allow you to reduce nausea. Many women fight this inconvenience with mints or liquorice, but it must be reminded that tastes are very personal, especially during pregnancy.

Even sleep and tiredness are experienced during the first three months, due to the over-work that the body performs to favour the growth of the embryo. Sleep is felt especially after each meal. If during the weekend it is possible to take a nap, this is not always possible during the week. Therefore take up the habit to go to sleep early, by 10 p.m. The morning after you will feel better. If you really wish to take a nap after your meal...do it. You often need five minutes of relax to find the energy that you need to face the afternoon. Be careful with coffee: one after your meal is allowed and it gives you energy, but more coffees may make you nervous and increase nausea.

Pregnancy and labour were nothing compared to what is coming. Now that you are at home with a hungry baby constantly looking for your breast, who needs to get changed all the time and ready to wake up at night, the hard part is coming. The secret to face the first weeks as a mother is only one: organize your days by adapting them to your newborn's rhythm. This does not mean that you have to neglect yourself, close yourself at home and not take care of yourself. It only means to review your daily activities, keeping in mind the right priorities.

Sleep represents the biggest problem, because it often gets interrupted during the night by the baby who wakes up. In order not to feel very tired during the day, try to sleep as much as possible. You can do it when the baby sleeps, taking advantage of his daily naps. It does not matter if it is eleven in the morning or six in the afternoon. Disconnect the home phone and cellular phone, lower your roll-down shutters and close your eyes. One hour nap is often enough in order to feel rested. Learn to put domestic chores aside: nobody is amazed if in a home where a baby has just arrived there is a bit of disorder. Remember that rest helps fighting the risk of post partum depression and regenerates the organism that was first affected by labour and now by breastfeeding.

In order to feel more energetic, you have to follow a proper diet. Avoid spending hours cooking for yourself and your partner. Prepare yourself fast and nutritious meals, such as a plate of pasta with vegetables or a fresh tomato, a steak with fresh side dishes, a prosciutto sandwich, different kinds of fruit, yogurt and muesli. If you feel that you are in difficulty and you are afraid that you will not make it on your own, put your pride aside and ask one of your expert friends, one of the grandmothers or a trusted person, besides naturally your partner, for help. If you feel supported and are surrounded by other people, days will seem less tiring.

Take care of yourself, because this might help you feel more energetic. But choose comfort rather than elegance: a nice clean track suit and a pony tail are enough to feel neat and you will also be able to leave your home dressed as you are, without losing time to get changed. It is important, as a matter of fact, to go out every day for a walk with your baby. And not only to buy diapers or groceries. Spend an hour at the park, together with a friend or other mothers like yourself. Talking with other women who are going through the same experience will help you understand that efforts, difficulties and feelings of inadequacy are normal and common. Be careful, though, not to make naps, breastfeeding and diapers the only topic of conversation. Boredom is around the corner. Even for the most affectionate of mothers.

When he was very small and you used to breastfeed him, allowing your child to sleep in the bed with you turned out to be a useful necessity in order not to get up and to take advantage as much as possible of the little sleep allowed. But now that the months have gone by and the child has already stopped breastfeeding at night, there is no reason anymore to let him sleep in your bed, risking to transform this practice into a bad habit, difficult to solve. Therefore the moment to get him accustomed, gently but firmly, to the new habit of sleeping in his own bed at night has arrived.

This "transfer" is recommended, first of all, due to safety reasons. It can happen that the adult, involuntarily, might compress the child with his weight and prevent him from breathing, especially if the child is at the centre of the bed. If the mother keeps him close to the edge of the bed, also, the child might fall, because after six-seven months of age he gains the ability to move and turn over. Furthermore, even the parents have the right to gain back the freedom and intimacy which were inevitably put aside after the birth of their baby. The right moment to get the child accustomed to sleep in his own bed is before seven months of age, period during which the difference between self and other is learned. After eight months of age, the child gains the ability to understand that he and his mother are two separate entities: detachment will be, therefore, more difficult because the child will understand well this separation and will rebel against this novelty.

A drastic change has to be excluded. If your child has slept in bed with you and your partner until last night, it will be impossible to suddenly place him in the crib and in his room without him complaining about it. Start gradually: bring your child's crib very close to your bed, lower one of the side rails, so that your child can have the feeling that nothing divides him from you. After changing him, cuddling with him a little and singing him a nursery rhyme or reading him a short fairytale, place him in his bed and lie down on your bed, turn off the light and hold his hand until he falls asleep. Continue this way for a few evenings, until you see that he feels comfortable in his bed.

At this point, raise the side rail a little; however, always keep the child's crib close to your bed. Once he also accepts without problems this arrangement, you will be able, once and for all, to raise the side rail and push the crib slightly further away, placing a certain distance between you and your child. Naturally the child will always have to feel your presence, therefore continue to maintain the rule of singing a nursery rhyme and staying close to him until he falls asleep. The objective is to help the child "experience" his crib as a reassuring place, but it is important not to give up in front of cries and tantrums.

After a few weeks, when you realize that the child has gained confidence with his crib, try to transfer him to his room. Even here, continue with the reassuring ritual of every evening: cuddles, nursery rhyme or fairytale, then remain close to him until he is almost asleep. If he lets you go before he is completely asleep, the success is near: your child is accepting the idea of sleeping by himself. A step closer to independence.

He is not able to talk fluently, he repeats syllables, he interrupts his speech with pauses and breaks. In short, he stutters a little. Wait before worrying: at the age of your child, between three and five years of age, the alterations in the verbal flow are a common fact and they are often related to an emotion - such as the birth of a sibling, a problem in school, an argument with a friend – or simply to evolution and growth, which induce him to speak without yet having an adequate verbal patrimony. According to the experts, the pseudo-stutter of this age is resolved without problems in the majority of the cases. In approximately 20 children on 100, however, it could remain evident. Generally it happens to boys (who have a higher tendency to have speech disorders compared to girls), especially to those who are particularly sensitive and to those who have a close relative who has the same problem. Today, however, many systems exist to favour a good recovery and they are much more effective if they are put into practice at the right moment.

The psychomotor treatment is the most suitable for pre-school children. It favours the coordination of movements and therefore, indirectly, of emotions and of speech. The method is managed by a therapist, expert in neuro- psychomotion and it takes place in a generally merry context, during which the child runs, jumps, gesticulates with his arms and legs, often in association with sounds or words. The logopedic treatment is specifically directed towards rehabilitating speech through exercises that facilitate verbal flow and regulate breathing. The speech therapist teaches children to repeat refrains of songs, nursery rhymes, tongue twisters which have the objective of improving speech, making it more fluent even during normal conversation. Psycho-therapy, instead, is a treatment which can be applied from adolescence onward.

Family can also do a lot to solve this issue. Different techniques in the treatment of stutter are based on parents' intervention, whose behaviour is essential in order to re-assure the child and induce him to speak better. What has to be done? It is easy: it is enough to talk to him in a way that is always positive and reassuring, never in a way that causes anxiety. For instance, the child who is talking and is having difficulties should not be pressed, we should not say the words in his place. It is recommended to calmly wait, smiling at him, until he has terminated his speech. It does not matter how long he takes. When talking to him, also, avoid asking him questions: they put him in difficulty. Telling him "tell me how school went" instead of asking him "How did school go?" helps him to relax.

If your child stutters, do not show him disappointment. With a smile, a nod, face and hand expressions, tell him that you are listening to him and that you are interested to what he is saying, not to how he is saying it. During the hours of the day that you spend with him, let your child decide what he wants to do and let him lead the activity and conversation. When you speak to him, talk to him slowly, calmly, with pauses. All this will help him gain more confidence and fluency of speech. In conclusion involve all the members of the family (grandparents, older siblings, uncles and aunts, friends) in this process and inform the teachers, so that the child can feel welcome and protected in the environments that he frequents and can recover confidence in his own speech abilities.

Help, I have to wear braces!

It has been used for many years. And the types which are available nowadays are smaller, lighter and more resolutive compared to those that were worn in the past. Many kids have to wear them. However, when mom and dad realize that their child's teeth are not perfectly straight or when the paediatrician recommends a dental visit, concern is always the first reaction: "does he already have to wear braces?".

This event often worries parents, who have not had, for different reasons, a good approach with dentists and who, for this reason, unfortunately have the tendency to postpone as much as they can the first dental visit of their own child. They go to the first appointment when they cannot postpone any longer, for an extraction, to cure a small cavity or, precisely, to put on braces. But this is the worse thing to do: it is the worse way to begin the relationship with a dentist because the slight pain or the discomfort that the child will feel since the beginning will put him in a bad mood even for the future.

For this reason it is important to bring the child to the dentist when he is small, already at three or four years of age. It is important for a child to gain confidence with a dental office: today the majority of specialized offices in children's dentistry are cheerful, with colourful chairs, sheets of paper and markers to draw and not to get bored while waiting. And often the first visit is a simple check-up without problems. If the child will live this experience as a pleasant moment, it will be easier in the future to bring him to the dentist even for possible interventions. As the possibility to wear braces.

A doctor who knows the mouth of the small patient since the first years already has knowledge of what the problems of eruption or malposition might be and could therefore opt for a more suitable solution. Every child is different, but generally braces are never introduced before seven years of age, when the majority of permanent teeth has already erupted. Panoramic x-rays, which are prescribed by the dentist, are certainly useful in order to visualize the position of the teeth which have not erupted yet and therefore plan the opportunity to wear braces on time. The possible solutions are nowadays several: in some cases it might be sufficient to wear a palatal retractor for a few months, which helps to gain space. Or it could be helpful to wear a more complex appliance, in case the child has reverse bite due to a protruding jaw or mandible. But the most common braces, those which are used to straighten teeth, are nowadays able to fix things in a few months, with a very limited discomfort for the child.

The problem is, above all, helping the child to accept an appliance towards which every kid has understandably a little suspicion. The main advice is only one: never deceive him, telling him, for example, that the dentist will never do anything to him. Speak clearly to the child one or two days before, making him feel mature and responsible – he should be at seven years of age – and telling him the simple truth. Which is that, for a short period of time, he will have to wear braces, which however are not painful, give very little discomfort and will allow him in a short time to have healthy teeth and show a splendid smile. Introduce him to other children who already wear braces and explain to him that they have a very normal life, playing and going to school without being considered like "extraterrestrials". But, above all, keep fears away: if the child perceives your serenity, he will face things better. And once he is wearing the braces, treat him like all the other days, without cuddling with him more or making him more presents. This is the best way to make him feel exactly like before.

The grandparents, an irreplaceable presence

They pick up the grand child at the nursery school, they push the stroller, they read to him the same book ten times, they sit on the carpet despite their back aches to play with him. Yes, if grandparents did not exist, we would need to "invent" them. Grandparents offer an irreplaceable help in caring for a child, they are reliable and affectionate, almost always more experienced and available than the best nanny. They give unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. They are helpful to working parents, and they are even more helpful for the children that they attend.

Grandparents are the ideal companions to live the delicate phase of growth after the first year. Because they are special adults: they know a lot of things, and they are not in a hurry, they never stop playing because they need to dry cloths or answer their cell phones. They are willing to stay half an hour without doing anything and carrying their grand child in their arms, to look at a bulldozer that is excavating, they don't feel awquard to look for gnomes and elves under the trees with their grand child in the park. When they are with the child, they completely dedicate themselves to him and thanks to their experience, they can transform a simple explanation into a funny and exciting anecdote. They get angry less and they rarely raise their voices. All of this reassures the child, who lives according to his way of being together with his grandparents.

Grandparents have a concept of time very similar to that of children: they move slowly, with little steps just like them, and for this reason they are willing to follow their grand child during his first steps. At the same time, they are aware of the fact that time in their hands is inevitably more limited, therefore they truly enjoy it, without wasting it with reproaches, without losing any dialogue with their grand child in order to do something else.

If the time that grandparents spend with their grandchildren is limited - for example because they live far away - do not spoil these hours by setting times and limits, for example by suggesting not to "spoil the child" If instead you have decided to entrust your child to his grandparents for a longer period, then you must set some rules. Clarify since the beginning that you are the parents of the child, then set rules and times. Calmly and firmly let them know that grandparents shall not interfere in your decisions, especially in front of the child, to avoid confusing him with regards to the roles of the figures that surround him. Time and confidence will help you to smooth off eventual edges, to close an eye on certain aspects of the grandparent's behaviour - for example the inability to say no in front of another request for a toy – especially if you will be able to properly consider the serenity and balance of your child.

It is also important not to take grandparents for granted. Their willingness might make you feel that you should expect them to be always available, but this is not the case. The joy with which they take care of their grandchild should not make you forget about their age, their small, big infirmities, their weariness. Grandparents have to be considered precious and they have to be involved in family life even when you do not need them: invite them for a week end with you and your child, go to the park with them on a Sunday afternoon, remember their birthday, make them a present once in a while. The first one to benefit from this harmony will be, naturally, your son.